Forgive me Diet Doctor, for I have sinned. It's me, Alia, and here I stand again at the tip of the weighing scale's limit and I'm ashamed, disgusted and angry at myself for letting myself go yet again. I have been on and off the diet, doing a little better each time (although never as good as the first time, honestly, I could kick myself for going off it then!) - but never really sticking to it. Why? Holidays la, people visiting la, going abroad la, oh it's too expensive la. Really, shame on me.
BUTTTTTTT this time, I can feel the wind of change. I had way too much to eat yesterday, and I felt so disgusting. I also got my period too, so that didn't help the bloatedness but for the first time in my life, I felt so YUCK that I wanted to make myself sick so I could feel better :(. I had cooked up some chicken kurma with rice, and it was so godddamn delicious that I couldn't help myself and ate two big bowls (even after feeling satisfied after the first one) and I knew it was too much and I totally felt it afterwards.
I was so disgusted with myself, and I felt so ill. I couldn't believe how far I let myself go, and I knew that honestly, if I continue like this I'm going to die. Is it really worth it to eat myself to an early grave??
I've not eaten ANYTHING today, and it's almost 3pm. I have some buffalo crockpot chicken and some cheese and an avocado on standby if I get too hangry, but I'm pushing it out as far as I can, and hopefully until dinner so I can start off clean. The only thing that's passed these lips today is a latte, so take that fatty belly - there's my willpower in yo face!!
So the plan this time, is :
1) To weigh myself EVERYDAY - because it was a system that worked when I was on Dukan, and it will be a good practice to remain accountable. Don't be such a sissy Alia, and being scared about little fluctuations or how I'm not losing fast enough - it's the big picture that counts! (And I've automatically linked up the chart on the Progress Chart page, so you can see and give me some high fives there too!)
2) No frankenfoods. My fat brain has always focused on what I can eat - oooh look, peanut butter bars, coconut flour yada yada yada - NO. This stops now. I want to focus less on eating, and more on FASTING. The focus will be on REAL foods, with lotsa veggies to bulk up the meal and provide much needed fibre. I have a problem with ingesting too much fat (gives me the runs!) so I will need this to hopefully lessen the effect on my explosive episodes in the toilet - which was NOT FUN - and the reason I gave up and yielded the first time on LCHF. I'm gonna do as Butter Bob says and try to eat as much real food and fat as will make me not want to eat, and then fast the rest of the time. Oh hello Ramadan, you timely thing you ;)
3) 90 days first, and then we'll celebrate whatever the outcome is. So the above twom strictly, and I'll count down the days on my calendar and we'll see how far I come. Thinking about how much I have to lose, it seems like I'm defying the laws of physics. I need to lose half my body weight, and that's crazy. Let's take it a day at a time ok, and then if frankenfoods wanna come into play I'll allow myself to rethink after this 90 days solid work. Yay!
Dah, that's all. I'm not gonna overcomplicate this with workouts and all that. The most important thing is to focus on food control, and everything else will become easier once I have this under control. On your mark, get set, GO!
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